Coming Out Aspie

Hey, all,

Over the last year, I've been debating a rather personal issue—whether or not to reveal my true nature, who I really am. I'm not naturally one to volunteer information about myself unprompted—which is why I wrote a book about my life, clearly. On the other hand, I don't wish to feel like I need to hide who I am because of what others may think or say about me. So, for the first time in almost twenty years, it's time to open up.

I have Asperger's Syndrome.

Might not be what you were expecting, but there it is all the same. For those unfamiliar with it, Asperger's is an Autism Spectrum Disorder characterized by having very specific, almost obsessive interests (like my fervent love of space), normal-to-high intelligence, difficulty with social situations, having a flat affect (both of which I've learned to mask over the years), muted emotions, difficulty understanding emotion (both others and my own), a desire to have everything in some kind of order (OCD-ish), and many others.

We call ourselves Aspies, those of us on the Asperger's end of the spectrum. The rest of the world, generally speaking, are neutrotypicals (NTs). For most Aspies, NTs are a very odd species. Your reactions, your logic, your emotions, these are foreign to many of us. And yet, we live among you, watching, lurking, waiting to rise up and...oh, wait, that's the AI. Never mind.

I found out I was an Aspie at 5. For years, I just thought of myself as me, and did what I could to get along with the kids around me. But I always felt something lacking with my peers, and gravitated toward adults, with whom I could more readily converse and actually enjoy those conversations. Sure, I played with kids my age, but never found the same satisfaction of  But, when I moved to San Diego, thrust into middle school with no friends or understanding what most kids were really like, I was constantly harassed, bullied, taunted, you name it. I made the mistake of revealing what I was—different, and thus a target for ridicule and mockery.

So it shouldn't come as any surprise that I tried to hide what I was. It didn't work well at first, I had a few friends, a little band of misfits who really only had each other, but besides that, the world was a lonely, dark place where people made no sense.

After a while, I realized I could start to make some sense of NT behavior. I began to careful study, going on over 15 years now, to understand and learn how to imitate "social" behavior. It paid off. Within a couple years, I could feign social competence—what inflections to use, which affects to wear, body language, speech patterns, the whole shebang. Although, I still constantly talk about space and science and all the fun things I learn from documentaries.

It wasn't...isn't...easy. It's rare for me to be able to put aside that NT mask and just revel in my Aspie-ness. My mind is constantly working when I talk with others, figuring out the right words to say, when the right time to speak is, which facial features to adopt, the tone, what humor is appropriate, etc. Those dozens of tiny little things people not on the spectrum do unconsciously when they interact with others, for me at least, all are carefully controlled variables in constant flux based on an extensive database born from years and years of study. And even still, I don't always get it right.

Let me be clear, this is not what most Aspies are like. I've been able to integrate myself into the neurotypical world fairly well because one of my obsessions is psychology and people. I'm fascinated by what makes people tick, why they do what they do, learning their fears, their drives, and it gives me an enormous advantage over other Aspies who do not have my same base of knowledge, and even over some NTs.

All this work is exhausting. It's wearing and draining to constantly pretend to be something I'm not. Which is why I've decided to come out. I no longer fear the taunts of the insecure people, of the bullies who would deprecate me for who I am. If someone wants to be my friend, I shouldn't have to play the part of normal human for X amount of time before I can reveal a large part of my personality is merely a charade to hide my true self for the benefit of social lubrication.

Now, that doesn't mean I'm going to drop everything I've learned. I'll still use the tools I gained to hide among the neurotypicals, but no longer as a front, but simply to be polite and make sure those I talk with aren't uncomfortable by my monotone and flat affect and muted emotions.

So that's it. I'm out, and I'm damn well proud to call myself Aspie. Wouldn't have it any other way.

~Andrew

PS: Yes, I do have Asperger's. I've had several psychologists seem incredulous when I tell them, and then I drop the mask completely and they say, "Oh, okay, you're right." So just because I might not act as though I have it, trust me, I do.

Feel free to ask any questions in the comment section.

Surviving the Cure ebook Now Available!

I am proud to announce that Surviving the Cure: Cancer was Easy,* Living is Hard is now available to purchase on Amazon as an ebook! It's been a long four years to get my memoir published, but it's finally out there, folks. Click here to buy the book!

This is a major step in my efforts to raise awareness for the difficulties that face cancer survivors after  they enter remission. While most people think once you "beat" cancer, that's the end of the story, the truth is: cancer is only the beginning, and life after cancer ain't no walk in the park. If you want to learn more about the many potential challenges that crop up for survivors, read my book and learn the truth about the least discussed, and one of the most important, aspects of cancer.

If you want to help my advocacy for cancer survivors, please check out my crowdfunding campaign and watch the video. The donations not only go toward the book, but also to help increase my efforts to increase awareness for survivorship and let others survivors know they are not the only ones battling the issues they face. You can also receive perks for donating, including signed copies of the book or inclusion on a special thank you page in the next edition.

Here is what doctors and survivors are saying about 

Surviving the Cure: Cancer was Easy,* Living is Hard

"Andrew Bundy's captivating memoir has an unexpected focus seldom explored in the story of cancer: survivorship. [He] invites us into the intimate, deeply private struggle of coming to terms with life after cancer. With humor and candor, Andrew sends a powerful message about the significant medical and emotional issues that shape life after treatment and illuminates the critical need for programs that support young cancer survivors."

Anna Pawlowska, MD

Director, Pediatric Hematopoietic Stem Cell Transplant Program
City of Hope Medical Center 

"Holy $%*!, your story is almost EXACTLY my own. And your thoughts and feelings. Gave me chills…It is incredible to know there is someone out there that COMPLETELY understands."

Rebecca 
Acute Myeloid Leukemia Survivor—17 years in remission

***

For all those who buy the book

The print copy of the book will soon be available. It is still in review, but should be ready within the next 24 hours if everything goes well.

And I would encourage anyone who purchases the book to please leave a review on Amazon. It goes a long way to helping boost visibility of my message about the challenges of survivorship.

Thank you, and I hope you enjoy!

PS: For those unfamiliar with my story or the memoir, please direct your attention to the top of the page to read the About Me page and the Memoir page.

Memoir Cover Design Poll

Howdy,

That's my country-talk quota for the year.

I'm getting ready to publish my memoir Surviving the Cure: Cancer was Easy,* Living is Hard (*relatively speaking), and I've been working all week on cover designs with a number of different graphic artists. Now, the field has been whittled down to only a handful of designs.

I would love your help in choosing which cover to use for my memoir, and welcome any feedback you might have regarding any of the designs. I'll provide you with a link to the poll being conducted on the website I've been using for the covers, and thank you for your assistance, it's a great help to me!

Click here to vote! —> Surviving the Cure Cover Poll

That's all I have for today. I'll be sure to keep you updated on the progress of my book and announce the winning cover design shortly!

~Andrew Bundy

Reunion With a Mission

Hi blog,

I'm still waiting for the day you say "Hi" back blog, although I suspect it will unnerve me to no end.

Firstly, I saw Nick on Thursday and after hearing about my imploding shoulders he came over and gave me a bottle of Skele-Gro, filled with a "magical elixir" that may or may not have been untreated lake water stuck in an old bottle with a label printed up for minor comedic relief. He'll forgive me for being somewhat dubious.

My dubious face and toothpick

Anyway, getting on with stuff and all that. Yesterday was the 38th Annual Bone Marrow Transplant Reunion at City of Hope in Duarte, CA (which is near Los Angeles). I went up with my parents to what I assumed would be a gathering of a hundred people or so and doctors and a couple famous people to talk for a little bit and all that. Yea, no. There must have been upwards of a thousand people there underneath a forest of large tents and amongst a minor labyrinth of booths and food stops of all shapes of sizes (and cupcakes!). And while indeed there were some famous guests (such as comedian Sean Kent and musician George Winston (link: Musician George Winston has new goal: Say ‘thank you’ in German, a brief article about Mr. Winston meeting his German bone marrow donor)), there was also a young girl around nine years old who played a touching rendition of Kermit the Frog's Rainbow Connection on the ukulele (which she first played for her doctor during treatment) and I'm pretty sure I heard sniffles all around me in that giant tent. Many a handkerchief and tissue were pulled out, I assure you it was very much warranted.

Left to right: Pamela Bundy, Dr. Anna
Pawlowska, Me, and Bill Bundy

I think for me though, the best part about going to the reunion was getting to see one of my oncologists. Dr. Pawlowska (a name I can now spell without any assistance at all, which she thought was rather humorous), whom I haven't seen in several years. The last time I saw her, I weighed an extra fifty pounds and had no hair (that part hasn't changed, as you can tell by the pictures). She greeted me with a patently thick-accented "Wow! You look excellent!" That's definitely one thing you really like to hear from someone who saw you at death's door once upon a time. The five of us (one of the social workers I knew from the hospital was there as well) talked and I discussed what was going on in my life and how things were going (keeping a positive spin on all of it). She was particularly interested in my book and wants a copy of the rough draft when I finish it. Of course, she'll also get a signed copy of the first edition when it goes to print, but that goes without saying.

I did have a secondary mission, co-crafted by myself and Nick, for when I went to the BMT Reunion. I brought with me a handful of information packets describing both Nick and mine mission statement (talking about who we are, our information, what we're working on (the books), and why we're doing it) and also a little about the two of us, including excerpts from our books. I still had several copies left over by the time I was about to leave, so I leapt into salesperson overdrive and handed them out to random people, giving them a brief synopsis of mine and Nick's tale and what the small document was I had just stuck into their hand. I wish I could have better explained it to them and really given them a better idea of what was going on when I handed them the papers, but I only just managed to give out the last one by the time my dad drove up in the car, and with City of Hope being near LA, the sooner we left, the better. Traffic added an hour onto the drive back, which actually isn't too bad, you know, considering it's LA.

To the people who got the handouts: I would like to briefly mention that I have written a kind of Awareness Week series of posts that discusses helpful tips for cancer patients and survivors that you or someone you know may find useful. Please feel free to pass them along if you think they will help.
Awareness Week Part 1: Surviving Cancer
Awareness Week Part 2: Combating Side Effects
Awareness Week Part 3: Life is Mental


On a side note: I also reaffirmed what a light sleeper I am. I love toothpicks, and when I take micronaps or suspect I might fall asleep but am already chewing on a toothpick, I just tuck it behind my ear for safekeeping. Well, I was resting against the window and mostly asleep when I felt the toothpick start to slide out from behind my ear. This brought me out of sleep just barely, but once the toothpick fell out and into my lap I jerked away as though there had been a supernova ten inches from my face (actually that wouldn't have woken me up so much as completely vaporized me). Yea...light sleeper.


Earlier in the post I mentioned the mission statement Nick and I crafted and it dawned on me that it might not be a bad idea to include it. So...

 Life Has No Title by Andrew Bundy and Ultra Souls: The Tale of Mr. 3000 by Nickademus Hollon are separate memoirs that follow the lives of two friends whose paths are pulled apart by cancer yet grounded through friendship. These memoirs document unique, vivid stories told from entirely different perspectives. Life Has No Title follows Andrew on his journey through hell and back, from the diagnosis of Acute Myeloid Leukemia to fighting tooth and nail through post-cancer treatments and surgeries, each leaving their own multitude of scars both physical and emotional. His story is inspirational and filled with laughter, tears, pain, misery, and hope. By providing a tale of survival against all odds this book proves that no matter how insurmountable life can seem at times, there is always a chance and always hope.
Meanwhile, Ultra Souls: The Tale of Mr. 3000 is the other side of the coin. The book follows Nickademus after he’s deeply moved by his friend’s diagnosis. During his last year in high school, Nickademus embarks on a project to run 3000 miles in order to raise awareness and funds for his friend Andrew. During the project, he discovers his passion for running long distance and quickly begins a career in Ultra-Marathon running, taking on and winning some of the world’s most difficult foot races. The two books are intertwined stories of survival and what it’s like to live on the fringes of existence. These tales of determination, depression, will, anger, and hope are told from two entirely different perspectives, yet crafted together through an enduring friendship strengthened through adversity.

Andrew Bundy is a survivor in every sense of the word. he was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 18, just weeks before graduating from high school. After multiple rounds of chemotherapy and scores of treatments and surgeries, Andrew has come out of it all as a survivor. He hopes to use his love of writing and his painful, yet inspiration tale to change the lives of others for the better.

Nickademus Hollon is a professional endurance athlete, most notable as the world's youngest finisher of the Badwater 135-mile footrace and winner of the 2013 Barkley marathon, a notoriously difficult 100-mile footrace. Nickademus is constantly pushing the limits of human potential and uses his gifted athleticism to motivate and inspire others to do the same. 

Anyways, that's all for now. Blog, thank you for taking the time to let me write you. I know it must be somewhat tedious, albeit exciting that you actually have some activity and so much of it! I'll let you take your pick of which one is true.

Your long-winded ruler,

Nickronicity

Hi blog,

Today Nick and I met and discussed some topics for out books. Since our stories intertwine at certain points, our main goal today was to work on finding ways of connecting our books, showing points where we either were together or nearby, or finding similar emotions or events that we both experienced but weren't necessarily in the same place when they happened. In essence, we're attempting to synchronize our books. Since I'm trying to synchronize with Nick, it has henceforth been dubbed: Nickronicity. I called them explicit and implicit events. The explicit events took place when we were together: high school, middle school, when he was doing his 3000 For the Cure project, and more recently after he came back from college. Implicit events were things like: how we felt at certain points in our lives, major historical events, important life events, and how his timeline and my own seem to either mirror each other or have opposite amplitudes (his life being great vs. me going through the worst stuff in my life).

But before we got into that, we decided to do a couple writing exercises. Nick was working on some of his stuff yesterday and had worked himself into a very good writing mood. He decided he wanted to take advantage of that and set for us a very strange writing task. As he was sipping his tea (which he had made a couple minutes before) he commented on the fact that it tasted like Fruity Pebbles. That gave him the idea for our writing exercise. "We'll write a short story on one page of paper that has to start with 'This tea tastes like Fruity Pebbles!'" His story, once he finished it, was a lot more cohesive and normal than mine. Mine...well...here it is...

This tea tastes like Fruity Pebbles!” the priest spat as he chucked the cup at the nun. The woman glowered at him before staring at the muddy-colored stain splattered across the wall behind her.

“I hope you don’t think I’ll be the one to clean that up,” she huffed irritably. “Honestly Jim, you’re such a fluffing child.”

The 436-year old priest WAS a child though. Although his aged mind was sharp as ever, his body had never grown past five years old. “And whose garnet-dwelling fault is that?” he whined.

The vampire nun rolled her sharp, crystal-blue eyes and started to pick up the mess. “Honestly Jim, thou art a boil. You should be thankful the Creator has gifted us so.”

“Easy for you to say Bev, you’ve got the body of a 16-year old maiden with the brain of Sun Tzu.” Jim walked over and helped her pick up the sharp pieces of glass. “One day we’ll fi this.”

“The cup?”

“Not the ever-preaching cup! Our curse you mutting horse. Now, where did you leave our guest?”

“Basement, same as always. Let me know when you’re hungry. I picked some fresh leeks. Go get the water boiling. We’ll have crème de screaming tortured gooseman tonight.”

“My favorite!” exclaimed Jim.

Yea...anyways. You can probably tell that I didn't have a clue what the hell I was doing. Insanity is a good bet though, for me at least. This is what happens when I don't get to write fiction for several months, the scaly weasel that lives in my head and helps me write starts to do really odd things.

Apparently there's a pangolin in my head

I'm still trying to get this blog to reach a wider audience. As much as shameless self-promotion bugs me a bit, I think it's more important that people start reading this blog in greater numbers (not at ALL biased on that). If for no other reason than to highlight some of the important tips given out during Awareness Week. So if you could share this blog with other people, post links up on your Facebook or Twitter or whatever, comment below, subscribe by email (look right), the whole works, I would be vastly grateful. I've already given you a present in the form of a short story: Relax. A preemptive gift so to speak. Thank you.

Blog, I hope you and I can reach more people, I know that's what both of us want. You like having people read you, you exhibitionist sneak, but I actually feel like sharing useful things with people (...sometimes. Other times I like talking about vampire nuns apparently) and helping them out whenever possible.

Sincerely, your caring dictator for life, Andrew

The Sodium Lamp Mystery

Hi blog,

I apologize for not saying hello to you yesterday. I dislike deviating from our scheduled dates, but I had an extremely busy and exhausting day and by the time I had settled in for the day it was far too late to get anything done. So again, my apologies blog, I'll try to keep that from happening again. 

It's been a tough few days for me. I've been making decent progress on my book (although it has slowed a bit), but I'm in the worst part of my story. It's the most painful to write. Every paragraph grips my chest like a starving anaconda around its next meal, the anxiety floods into my system and threatens to paralyze me and send me spiraling down into endless oblivion. I seem to have some morbid fascination with pushing myself harder and harder to see where my wall is, at what point I'll simple cave in and implode in spectacular fashion. I haven't reached it yet thankfully, but I know I have to finish this section sooner rather than later, because the longer I take to muddle through it, the more risk I'm putting myself at for some kind of breakdown or relapse. And yet I'm having trouble getting up the courage to write, I keep finding ways to subconsciously sabotage myself and get distracted so I wind up not writing. This allows me to avoid the immediate damage from stress and anxiety, but I still feel the looming pressure to finish the book weighing down on me, and I can't allow myself to get mired just because my chest is tight and my stomach twisted up in a series of knots so complex not even Houdini could escape from them. March on writer, tell your tale. I'll let you know how it goes blog, I have a meeting with Nick on Thursday so hopefully I'll have gotten a bit more writing done by then.

And now, space! In case you didn't know, the TV show "Cosmos" (originally hosted by the eminent astronomer Carl Sagan) has been rebooted! It's on Fox on Sundays at 9 pm (in case you wanted to watch).  It's now being hosted by Neil DeGrasse Tyson (another astronomer) who once met Sagan when he was young. The show talks about our world, the universe, life, science, all that good stuff. The first episode was sort of a basic run-down of science and our place in the universe, giving Earth's "cosmic address" so to speak. Earth, Solar System, Milky Way, Local Group (the small group of galaxy immediately around the Milky Way), the Virgo Supercluster (a much larger group of galaxies that the Milky Way is a part of), and finally, the Universe (and maybe the Multiverse after that, but I shan't get into that). For me, it's rudimentary stuff, I know most of it because I'm a massive space nerd (and a nerd in general to be fair), but I'm still very much looking forward to it. The show mostly targets a younger audience (the somewhat cheesy animation belies that fact), but I think the idea of trying to interest this generation's children and teenagers into finding science cool is a very noble one indeed. It's something that we have kind of fallen away from in recent years, knowledge is not "cool." But think of what might happen if we can get people to become interested in science again. One of those kids might become the next Einstein or Sagan, adding a tremendous insight into some aspect of our lives that will change everything around us for the better. Knowledge is power is a phrase that has stuck with us for so long because it is the absolute truth. Try to learn more, soak up the information around you, because we live in a fascinating world that we're only just starting to understand.

And in trying to understand the world, we come to a mystery so vast and enigmatic, that the government has tried to keep the truth a secret for the better part of a century. The mystery? How sodium lamps work. Sodium lamps are most commonly used as street lamps, and have a very strange quality to apparently suck the color out of everything nearby, leaving the world a Twilight Zone gray devoid of a rainbow of color until you step out from under their influence. The government would have you believe that the reason for this has to do with the type of light being emitted, but it's just a lie to cover up the truth. You want to know what sodium lamps REALLY are? They're containers holding...sodium leeches! "What's a sodium leech?" I hear you asking me. A quick search of the internet turns up nothing, because the government is hiding them! These strange creatures live in a glass case filled with a saline solution (hence the name "sodium leech") and live off of certain wavelengths of light, specifically those given off by color! All of this light is "sucked" up into the container held high off the ground, where the leech absorbs it and radiates the extra energy as the harsh orange-yellow glow that you see from the sodium lamp. Sodium leeches are nocturnal, and direct light kills them, so they are kept housed and protected by special glass that keeps out bright lights while still allowing them to absorb the colored wavelengths they need and to release their glow to allow them to light our streets. So the next time you drive past a sodium light, remember...there's a weird little creature glowing in there, say hello and thank you.

Because I failed to write in you yesterday, all of my posts for this week will be shifted by one day. Expect Thursday and Saturday postings. That is all for today.

Your gut-wrenched, anxious, but still in charge somewhat benevolent overlord, Andrew

How Small Mexican Tacos Saved My Sanity

Dear blog,

I met with Nick yesterday for our weekly meeting on our book projects. While we did not do any writing and it was a little shorter than usual, he and I came out of the meeting with several very important things to take away.

1. We discussed ways of making references to each other's work. 
2. We read part of our books to each other and got feedback on them. Nick read to me a very emotionally raw and visceral experience he had that brought an upwelling of anger to him. He's an extremely expressive writer and it gave me a better understand of what he's gone through and what level his writing is on. It was also inspiring, because I have times when I just don't want to write at all, and knowing that I'm not the only one writing about painful times helps give me the kick in the pants (I don't normally wear pants) that I needed.
3. We have a list of assignments to do. Admittedly, we've not been great at some of these, but we're both getting better about it. 

Following up on this whole book subject, I came up with something interesting. Nick was talking about how in his ultramarathoning, he's pushing his body to the limits, getting as close to death as he can without actually being in much danger. I compared it to going to the limit of my body's endurance as well, albeit not very willingly. There's a high that Nick gets from it, a feeling of higher purpose when he's so close to hitting the wall and giving up. It's something that he strives for in his running, he wants to approximate death in some way. I came up with a term for it that I thought both very apropos and kinda catchy: manufactured mortality. I'm curious to get some opinions on the term and if you think it fits with Nick's attempts to push his body to the very limit so he can experience something along the lines that I did to a simultaneously lesser and greater extent. What do you think of the term? Appropriate? Stupid? Catchy? Please let me know, I would appreciate it. I would hate to release this vile, evil, destructive Attack Puppy on you...maybe.

Blog...I'm reaching the hardest part of writing my memoirs. It's going to be a very hard week or two while I shove my way through it. I fully expect a couple tears to be shed and a lot of anxiety and stress to flood into my brain. I finally got past the point when I was put into a medically induced coma (March 2008, six years ago. I was taken out of the common exactly six years ago yesterday), but the worst has yet to come. The very next part describes how I should have died and begins the part of the story that I find the most important: what happens after you survive. For me, trying to adjust to life again after all that has happened to me is almost harder than surviving in the first place. I know I'm not the only one who has these problems, it's a lot more common than most people realize. The whole point of my book is to raise awareness for the side effects of treatment and hopefully to both inspire and help others in similar situations get through it. I also have a very lofty goal of possibly influencing policy in some way to provide a more cohesive and unified survivor program that would help those coming out of radiation treatments or chemotherapy or transplants only to find their bodies radically altered and suffering the side effects of surviving. I feel it's a topic hardly discussed and want to bring it to the foreground so something can be done to make life better for people after they have survived, so that they can better enjoy their lives with the freedom they deserve after such a harrowing and unfair experience. 

Do you know who was one of the greatest and most well respected heros of the American Revolution? George Washington, sure. The Marquis de Lafayette, yea okay. But you probably wouldn't have guessed...Benedict Arnold??? That's right, good ol' Benedict, before he turned traitor and pulled a him, was actually one of the most praised and well-liked of all of the Revolutionary figures. People loved him, his troops would follow him anywhere, and he was a brilliant tactician who was one of the most important for saving the Revolution in the critical early years. After being treated like crap, denied recognition by his superiors, wounded, bankrupted by giving almost all of his money to the cause of freedom, and having his honor impinged upon by politicians insulting his good name by falling him a Loyalist (to the British empire), he got fed up and defected. Luckily, America's first spy ring (Culper Ring, a very interesting group of civilians, read more about it here: The Culper Spy Ring) was able to discover his plans to sell West Point to the British (which would have almost certainly cost us the war) and although Arnold escaped, he would eventually die broke and mistrusted by even the British in England.

And now, I will not address the blog for a moment (sorry blog, I'll get back to you, I promise) and would like to talk to my readership. I've been trying to drum up more views and interest in my blog, as random as it is, and would love to reach a wider audience. So if you have read this blog and enjoy it, please share it with your friends or post it on your Twitter or Facebook. I will be extremely grateful, thank you! As an extra incentive to comment (shifting topic a smidge), I will start taking requests for short stories and plan to write a one thousand word short story every couple weeks based on some of those ideas and will give the person whose story idea I choose recognition for the idea! So if you've ever had a story idea that you thought was good but never got written, here's your chance to see that come to fruition!

Hello again blog! I told you I hadn't forgotten about you. As a show of appreciation for your patience, here's a pretty funny video that Nick made about small Mexican tacos. It's called...Ode to Small Mexican Tacos. I think you'll like it blog, I was cracking up the whole time he was showing it to me during our meeting yesterday. It helped me get through what would have been an otherwise difficult session by improving my mood and decreasing my anxiety. 

Well that's it for this week blog. Hopefully you enjoyed my words, and if not, well, not much you can do it about. 

Your master scribe, Andrew

Exo-Progress...o

Dear blog,

Today I saw my friend Nick Hollon for our weekly meeting regarding a joint project the two of us are working on. After I was diagnosed with AML (acute myeloid leukemia), he put together a project to run 3000 miles to raise money and support for leukemia research, and has since become an ultramarathoner (essentially crazy people who enjoy lots of leg pain). He's been working on his memoir about running, life, liberty, and the pursuit (get it?...cause he's a runner!) of more insane races. I've been working on my own book about my journey through hell, a little bit farther, and back. A while ago we decided to team up and work together and have been meeting up recently to discuss progress and work on ideas as a duo. Today we discussed ways of making our books sound interesting and how to pitch them to publishers. The guy has such an interesting story to tell, his madness knows no bounds, and it's inspirational as all get out. You would like him blog, he's a cool cat. 

A cool cat = Nick

While he's been editing his first draft, I've been pumping out my own rough draft of my own book. As you may know, I went through all kinds of hellish insane sh** and want to share my story. Well, reliving all the memories from the chemotherapy and all of the side effects from treatment has been...difficult. Some of the memories were locked away, so retrieving them is almost like experiencing. them for the very first time. It leaves me shaken up sometimes, near tears other times, and occasionally a happy memory will slip through and make me laugh. But, my lovely blog, I'm getting to the worst of it, and it's left me wondering if I can do this. I know the doubt isn't helpful, but I must continue through. If not for myself and the healing that writing out my story might bring, than for the people it could help: other cancer survivors, their families, people who need to become aware of just how difficult living with some of the side effects from treatments are. And of course, I can't let down Nick. So I will shoulder my pain, stare it down, remind myself that I have already survived and won, and write on.

I've been thinking of things to put on you lately as well blog. I don't want to neglect you and leave you to rot in obscurity like your predecessors, I'm already quite fond of you. I'll be tweaking your appearance too, so you'll look all beautified in the future. One of my ideas is to include writing of some sort, perhaps excerpts from my memoirs or even my freakishly long novel (that will be split into a series once I get back on that project), maybe short stories. Another idea is to actually see if I can do a communal short story, starting a sentence and seeing if I can get people who read you to come up with the next one, and the next person to come up with the next sentence, and so on and so forth. What do you think blog, would you like that?

Today also marks a glorious day in space exploration! (Blog, if you want to skip this part, go ahead. I'm acutely aware that my interest in space may not match yours) 715 new exoplanets were discovered using the data from the Kepler space telescope, nearly DOUBLING the amount of exoplanets we already knew! We're getting close to TWO THOUSAND known exoplanets! Of those 715, four were near-Earth sized and within the habitable zone, making them possible candidates for harboring life as we know it! (This of course does not account for life as we do NOT know it, but really, that's not the point at the moment) It might even be that I helped find some of these planets, thanks to a site called Planet Hunters, where you can sift through starlight data and find dips in light where an exoplanet passes in front of its host star! It's a lot more exciting than it sounds (to me anyways), I always get giddy when I see a possible transit, knowing that the dip in light I'm seeing might be a world trillions upon trillions of miles away...and wonder if anything is looking back.

I hope you and I can have a nice, pleasant relationship my blog minion, for I do enjoy your company. Talk to you soon my itsy-bytsy friend. 

Your benevolent overlord, Andrew