Top Ten Zen #8: Beyond Our Limits

Hey blog,

I know last post was a bit...melancholy. However, today will be much more cheerful and uplifting!!! (All the extra exclamation points must make it true!!!) Consider it the second part of a mini-series within the mini-series if you would.

Top Ten Zen

Andrew and Nick have compiled a list of Zen-like philosophies comprised firstly of a quote, an interpretation of said quote, and finally a story to drive their point home. This list can aid you in doing anything from completing a 100-mile race to surviving cancer, or obtaining any goal you set your mind to. 

Here are the previous posts for those who missed them:

1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step
2. Body follows mind
3. The faster you hurry, the slower you go
4. You are not bound by your past
5. Life is only available in the here and now
6. You are the author of every next moment
7. Your worst enemy lies within

Self-acceptance, now with 100% more hair

"Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them."

The Survivor’s Take:  Once you learn to accept your limitations and flaws you can begin to pick up the pieces after a great hardship. Positive self-talk can haul you out of even the darkest pits.

The Runner’s Take:  Race your own race. Be happy with yourself, your own abilities, your own strengths and your own weaknesses. Embrace your limits and you will embody your best self.

Survivor’s Tales: 2008 was not a good year for me. It took some time for me to get out of the funk I was in following my release from the hospital. In fact, it took several excruciating episodes in my life, one after another, to finally admit I had a drug problem and start to go to rehab (albeit with some initial resistance). I used daily positive self-talk to tell myself what a great job I was doing and how strong I was for making it through all that I had and continuing to stay sober. As my head began to clear, I realized part of my original problem was a result of not wanting to come to grips with what my new physical limitations were. It took a couple years before the lesson sank in in its entirety. Once I started to accept my limits, I could start to really enjoy life and rebuild all that I lost with the cancer and the cure.

Mountain Tales It was the very first climb of Ronda del Cims. The trail was brutally steep and covered in tree roots. I was breathing heavy and could feel my heart rate soaring out of control. A group of about ten runners clicked against my heels directly behind me as I practically breathed through the shirt of the runner in front of me. I didn’t respond well to this many people crowding my personal bubble, especially when running that hard. I sighed heavily as runner after runner broke past me, each of them breathing hard and working their way up the mountain pass. I stood back for a moment and looked down at an almost constant stream of athletes rising up the switchbacks beneath me. “Race your own race,” I said to myself. “Be happy with your own abilities Nick.” I broke into a walk and took control of my breath and heart rate. Twenty miles later, I was alone and closing in on fifth place.

When Nick gets anxious, he turns into a...Nick figure...sorry...

Of course, just because we are sharing our own extreme examples does not mean that these philosophies are all strictly for extreme situations. We share these because they can be used by anyone in the proper situations and we invite you, dear reader, to take these helpful tips into the world to use as you see fit. Feel free to hoard them or share them with others. It is both of our hope that these do some good somewhere, and so we wish you luck in your journey of a thousand Zen-filled steps.

Andrew Bundy
Nick Hollon

Top Ten Zen #7: Your Worst Enemy

Hey blog,

This post might seem a little depressing. In truth, it's kind of a mini-series within the series, so it ties into a much happier and uplifting post! Don't worry, everything works out...look, a meditating kitty! See? Told you.

Hopefully this makes up for the semi-depressing post  

Top Ten Zen

Andrew and Nick have compiled a list of Zen-like philosophies comprised firstly of a quote, an interpretation of said quote, and finally a story to drive their point home. This list can aid you in doing anything from completing a 100-mile race to surviving cancer, or obtaining any goal you set your mind to. 

Here are the previous posts for those who missed them:

1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step
2. Body follows mind
3. The faster you hurry, the slower you go
4. You are not bound by your past
5. Life is only available in the here and now
6. You are the author of every next moment

Nick on the verge of deciding he
wanted to quit life

"Your own worst enemy lies within."

The Survivor’s Take: Nothing hurts you more than your own negative thoughts.

The Runner’s Take:  The mind is the culprit of quitting.

Survivor’s Tales: After suffering through cancer and GVHD and just barely escaping from the hospital with my life by the thinnest edge, you would assume that I would be thrilled to be out in the world, that I gained a new appreciation of life. No. Instead, I looked at the scars and my bloated figure and felt an intense black hatred for myself bursting through to infest any hints of happiness and gratitude that dared poke its head up. As a result of this self-loathing, I began to heavily abuse my medications in an attempt to blot out conscious thought and all the pain that came with it. I could have chosen to be happy about surviving, but instead I wallowed in agonizing self-pity and righteous self-hatred. I chose that of my own volition, angry and hurt by everything that happened to me, disgusted by my appearance. I chose that path. But as we’ll see in this next post, although you can make yourself quite miserable with just the flick of a thought, you can also instill a great deal of satisfaction in the same manner.

Mountain Tales:  It was 3:30am, some 19 hours into the Ronda del Cims. Carles (3rd place) and I were deep into the race and had accumulated over 30,000 feet of gain. We were far from the finish and battling through the night together. Passing a stream Carles looked at me and said “Quince minutos llegamos.” Fifteen more minutes and the two of us would be at the mile 85 aid station, Illa. Thirty minutes later, Carles glanced over and said to me “Cinco minutos, seguro!” Five minutes clicked away with no aid station in sight. The two of us hurt, our pace was fading, our energy dwindling and our morale all but vanished. “Does Carles even know what he’s doing?” I could feel my body weaken as the poisonous thoughts continued to fester in my mind. I stopped. I had to change my mindset. I looked up at the full moon, pine trees blocking off the distant high peaks, and I felt alive and blessed to be wandering through the Pyrenees. I smiled and resolved that the damned aid station could have been hours away, it didn’t matter. I’d made peace with my own worst enemy.

Andrew's worst enemy lies within and a little to the right

Of course, just because we are sharing our own extreme examples does not mean that these philosophies are all strictly for extreme situations. We share these because they can be used by anyone in the proper situations and we invite you, dear reader, to take these helpful tips into the world to use as you see fit. Feel free to hoard them or share them with others. It is both of our hope that these do some good somewhere, and so we wish you luck in your journey of a thousand Zen-filled steps.

Nick Hollon

Andrew Bundy

Top Ten Zen #6: Every Next Moment

Hi blog,

One more than halfway there! (Insert song here) Sorry, I had to hum a few lines of Bon Jovi. Shall we get on with it then?

Top Ten Zen

Andrew and Nick have compiled a list of Zen-like philosophies comprised firstly of a quote, an interpretation of said quote, and finally a story to drive their point home. This list can aid you in doing anything from completing a 100-mile race to surviving cancer, or obtaining any goal you set your mind to. 

Here are the previous posts for those who missed them:

1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step 
2. Body follows mind
3. The faster you hurry, the slower you go
4. You are not bound by your past
5. Life is only available in the here and now

The author of every next "S"

"You are the author of every next moment."

The Survivor’s Take:  You get to decide how to handle your future, no matter how glum or bleak it looks. You can either choose to think poorly or you can resolve to think positively in every next moment.

The Runner’s Take:  Events are just events, nothing more. How you react to that climb, that descent or that long stretch of road is entirely up to you.

Survivor’s Tales:  When I was first diagnosed with leukemia just three weeks before I should have graduated high school, I was understandably a little bummed out. After all…I had cancer! For the first day of officially being a cancer patient I was numb and quiet and said next to nothing, just nodded occasionally. However, by the next day I wrested my mental faculties away from the shock and started to think about what would be happening to me. “Well,” I told myself. “You can either be abjectly miserable and have a crappy time, or you can approach this with a smile and a middle finger toward your stupid bone marrow cells.” I opted for the second choice, and sought out a silver lining. Well, I didn’t have to take any finals! No teacher would dock points to poor ol’ me for not showing up to take the tests because I was being pumped full of chemotherapy drugs. I seized upon that (amongst other positives) and chose how I would feel in that next moment and all the ones after it.

Mountain Tales: 20 hours into Ronda del Cims I was coming off of the backside of the longest climb of the race, Pic Negre. The trail was a quad murdering combination of steep talus slopes, scattered rocks and cold biting wind. I’d kept 5th place up until this point but I glanced back and could see several runners closing in on me up from above. I took a step forward and smashed my entire right foot sideways into a rock, knocking it loose and groaning loudly as it whacked into my left ankle. Initially, it hurt. But I immediately thought back to the above quote, “I decide.” I whispered to myself. I tried hard and managed to forget about the pain.  I lifted my head up high and could feel my legs cramping and my stomach growling. I loved running the descents back home, so what was the difference now? “There isn’t one,” I told myself. Faking a smile, I drifted down into the trees as the lights of my competition faded behind me.

Nick decides one finger is enough

Of course, just because we are sharing our own extreme examples does not mean that these philosophies are all strictly for extreme situations. We share these because they can be used by anyone in the proper situations and we invite you, dear reader, to take these helpful tips into the world to use as you see fit. Feel free to hoard them or share them with others. It is both of our hope that these do some good somewhere, and so we wish you luck in your journey of a thousand Zen-filled steps.

Andrew Bundy

Nick Hollon

Top Ten Zen #5: Here and Now

Hey blog,

We're at the halfway point for the Zen series. Nick and I got together yesterday and had a marathon session (I guess an ultramarathon session for him, a marathon session would be a morning run by his standards) to get a ton of work done for the blogs. Several times we noted, with some incredulity, just how productive we were being and were quite pleased with ourselves. To celebrate that productivity, here's an amusing Zen cat. 

In the here and "meow"

Top Ten Zen

Andrew and Nick have compiled a list of Zen-like philosophies comprised firstly of a quote, an interpretation of said quote, and finally a story to drive their point home. This list can aid you in doing anything from completing a 100-mile race to surviving cancer, or obtaining any goal you set your mind to. 

Here are the previous posts for those who missed them:

1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step
2. Body follows mind
3. The faster you hurry, the slower you go
4. You are not bound by your past

"Life is only available in the here and now."

Onward and upward in the moment

The Survivor’s Take:  By focusing on this current moment, you can avoid all the stressors associated with worrying about the past and future.

The Runner’s Take:  Ground yourself in the present. When you run, just run. Be in the now, and be the best you can be in that moment.

Survivor’s Tales: In September 2010 I went in for surgery to have a double ankle transplant that would require me to be in a wheelchair, unable to put any weight on either ankle for upwards of three months. Three…months! Anytime I thought about how long I would be unable to walk, I nearly had a panic attack, and sometimes did. I couldn’t imagine not having use of my legs for three months. After about half a dozen panic attacks, I wondered if there was another way to look at the situation. Maybe I shouldn’t focus on how inconceivably long three months was, maybe I should just focus on getting through it one day at a time. By focusing on the now, I managed to almost completely reign in my panic attacks and those last few weeks in the wheelchair didn’t seem all that bad. I stopped worrying about the future and focused on getting through that moment.

Mountain Tales: Trail running, especially technical trail running, demands a certain sense of presence. When I was pushing my way up the notoriously technical Comapedrosa, large boulders shook underneath each weary step I took. The climb required my full attention and presence. If my thoughts had been anywhere else during that climb, I’m sure I would have slipped. But what about the not so technical parts of the race? Places where my mind could wander? I kept control of my drifting thoughts by zeroing in on the next red flag, the next course marker or, at times, the runner ahead of me. In this way, I was grounded in the moment and felt I was able to move forward with efficiency and purpose. Endurance racing is often about conservation of energy and there is no better way to preserve your mental energy than to ground yourself in the present.

Living in the moment with giant medical boots

This series has been a fun, uplifting experience for the two of us and has opened our eyes both to each other and our unique experiences. We've learned a lot about each other, little things, big things, and gained a new understanding of ourselves. We hope that this series has been helpful to those that read it and has allowed you to gain a similar enlightenment into your own life and thoughts. It has been a pleasure and an honor to share ourselves with you. Thank you all for reading, and a big extra thanks to those who have shared our posts with others, it means a lot to us that you think highly enough of our work to show it to others and we hope you continue to do so. As a thank you to everyone, Andrew wanted to share a short story he wrote a few months ago: Relax.

Nick Hollon
Andrew Bundy

Top Ten Zen #4: The Past Unbounded

Hi blog,

We're still going strong with our Zen series! I'm pleased with the productivity, so let me showcase our continued work ethic to you now!

Top Ten Zen

Andrew and Nick have compiled a list of Zen-like philosophies comprised firstly of a quote, an interpretation of said quote, and finally a story to drive their point home. This list can aid you in doing anything from completing a 100-mile race to surviving cancer, or obtaining any goal you set your mind to. 

Here are the previous posts for those who missed them:

1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step
2. Body follows mind
3. The faster you hurry, the slower you go

A crash from the past

"You are not bound by your past."

The Survivor’s Take:  It’s easy to get caught up with the perceived failures of the past and all the pain that you’ve dealt with. But the past exists as a separate entity, it can only affect you if you let it.

The Runner’s Take:  Don’t let past races, past performances or past climbs and descents decide the outcome of your present race.

Survivor’s Tales:  In my attempts to rebuild my life after cancer I have tried multiple times to return to school, with only limited success. My first attempt ended in hospitalization caused by a series of events set in motion by a nasty car crash. After a year of recovery I started taking classes at University of California Riverside, only to have my ankle collapse in less than a month, forcing me to withdraw. I spent the next three years taking community college classes before I felt ready to face university again. UC San Diego accepted me and I managed to stay for a whole three weeks before I got a call I’d been waiting ten months for, confirmation of a knee transplant. Once again, I left. Despite being forced to withdraw three times from school, I am still working toward getting back into a four-year university. I refuse to let my fears of another problem bully me into quitting. I have no intentions of succumbing to those thoughts, because my past can only affect me if I let it.

Mountain Tales:  Around 31 miles into Ronda del Cims, I’d gained on 7th, 6th and 5th place. I’d even managed to squeeze my way into 4th at the top of a climb called Bony de la Pica. I used everything I had to stay ahead of 5th place while I could. I fought him off, but in the end he passed me while descending down to the 48 mile aid station. Along the descent, 6th place passed me back and 7th was closing in quickly. It felt like all the effort I’d spent was for nothing. I arrived at the aid station only seconds off from all three runners, who were now blazing on ahead. I felt hopeless. I thought for a moment that if they were able to pass me once, they’d just do it again and that I’d best just settle into 7th while I could. I didn’t accept that though, I couldn’t. Our positions were not determined by a single descent. I had the rest of the race to decide my outcome. I was in control. Within 20 miles, I’d caught them all again and passed them with ease. I charged on ahead carving my own outcome and race.

A pass from the past

Of course, just because we are sharing our own extreme examples does not mean that these philosophies are all strictly for extreme situations. We share these because they can be used by anyone in the proper situations and we invite you, dear reader, to take these helpful tips into the world to use as you see fit. Feel free to hoard them or share them with others. It is both of our hope that these do some good somewhere, and so we wish you luck in your journey of a thousand Zen-filled steps.

Nick Hollon

Andrew Bundy

Top Ten Zen #3: The Slower You Go

Howdy blog,

Well, time for part three! Shall we get on it then? Good answer.

Top Ten Zen

Andrew and Nick have compiled a list of Zen-like philosophies comprised firstly of a quote, an interpretation of said quote, and finally a story to drive their point home. This list can aid you in doing anything from completing a 100-mile race to surviving cancer, or obtaining any goal you set your mind to. 

Here are our previous posts for those who missed them:

1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step
2. Body follows mind

The tortoise ascends

"The faster you hurry, the slower you go."

The Survivor’s Take: Patience is one of the most important factors when it comes to recovery. Pushing yourself too hard can make things worse, and what at first appears to be a big step forward might end up actually being several steps back.

The Runner’s Take: In endurance sports, it’s easy to get caught up in the competition and let things like nutrition and form fall to the wayside. Don’t let them. Even if it means sacrificing speed and position early on, staying relaxed and fueled leaves you in control of your race.

Survivor’s Tales: With my most recent surgery, a total replacement of my right shoulder, I quickly found myself impatient with the healing process. Compared with all the lower joint replacements, my recovery seemed to be going smoother and I felt better than I remember with the other surgeries. Within two weeks I was pushing myself to my limit, and admittedly a little beyond, with my exercises. In addition to that, I would sometimes take my arm out of its sling for extended periods of time, despite the doctor telling me to keep it in for at least six weeks. It didn’t take long for sharp pains to start cropping up in my shoulder. As a result of all this overreaching, I had hurt myself and was unable to do as much PT as I should have, causing my progress to regress. It took almost a full week for the pains to calm down enough to where I could start exercising properly again. Had I simply stuck to my recovery plan, I might have gotten to the point I am now even faster (click here to see my progress so far), but I’ve certainly learned my lesson: when it comes to recovery, it pays to stick to the plan instead of brushing it aside at the first glimmer of your strength returning. It may feel like you can do so much more, but very often it’s just a brief phase and soon you find yourself paying for your arrogance with sharp aches if you’re lucky, and serious damage if you aren’t.

Mountain Tales: It was the second to last climb of Ronda del Cims. 3,000 feet in just over two miles at an average grade of 45%, far steeper and more technical than any single climb at the Barkley marathons. I came into the aid station at the base of the climb right alongside Carles, a local Andorran runner who was holding 3rd place. He blew through the station and started hammering up the long climb. I glanced at my watch and realized it had been over an hour since I’d eaten anything. I hobbled slowly behind Carles as he pulled further away. I stuffed Gu after Gu down my throat and ate as many dry crackers as I could. Food was an awful chore, but a necessary evil. About halfway through, Carles was now 200 feet higher than me, but I knew he’d not eaten a thing. He’d burn out shortly. I swigged down more Carbo Pro and whipped out my hiking poles asking myself, “What can I relax?” I let go of my tense shoulders, let go of the tight tension in my arms and felt my upper body sink.  It’s terrifying what unconsciously tightens up while running. About three quarters of the way up the climb, I finally caught Carles.  He was breathing hard and his steps were labored on the steep ascent. The short seconds I’d taken to fuel my body were now paying off. I passed Carles and kept my pace steady all the way to the top of the climb. The faster you hurry (aka skip things like nutrition and proper form) the slower you’ll go. Endurance sports are the tortoise’s race, not the hare’s. Take care of yourself and you’ll be rewarded!

A mildly exaggerated recreation of how I hurt myself

Of course, just because we are sharing our own extreme examples does not mean that these philosophies are all strictly for extreme situations. We share these because they can be used by anyone in the proper situations and we invite you, dear reader, to take these helpful tips into the world to use as you see fit. Feel free to hoard them or share them with others around you. It is both of our hope that these do some good somewhere, and so we wish you luck in your journey of a thousand Zen-filled steps.

Andrew Bundy

Nick Hollon

Top Ten Zen #2: Body Follows Mind

Hey blog,

Ready for the second installment of Top Ten Zen?

Top Ten Zen

Andrew and Nick have compiled a list of Zen-like philosophies comprised firstly of a quote, an interpretation of said quote, and finally a story to drive their point home. This list can aid you in doing anything from completing a 100-mile race to surviving cancer, or obtaining any goal you set your mind to. 

I think I can I think I can...

"Body follows mind."

The Survivor’s Take: Life is mental (I did a post about this subject a couple months back. You can read it here: Life is Mental). Your body’s true limits are set by the brain. By manipulating your thoughts, you can achieve much more than you ever thought possible.

The Runner’s Take: Lore of Running by Tim Noakes and Matt Fitzgerald’s book Brain Training both speak to the concept of mind over matter. This belief states that your brain acts as the ‘central governor’ of your entire body and in endurance events ultimately controls how fast you can go and how much you can endure.

Survivor’s Tales: When I was dying in the hospital in May of 2008, my body shutting down and rapidly deteriorating, the doctors gave me a couple weeks to live, and everyone knew it. The only person totally oblivious to the dire news was…me. I had no idea how bad I was, so I thought: “You know, this sucks, but I’m going to get out of this and then we’ll be done with all this silliness.” (Much stronger language was likely used.) Because I didn’t know how bad I was doing, I believed I would survive, and guess what? I did! Despite a less than 10% chance of survival I didn’t give in and I didn’t give up. I inadvertently lied to myself that things would be okay and my brain shrugged its metaphorical shoulders and agreed with me, dragging my reluctant body along with it. Whether you lie to yourself or you actually believe you can achieve more than you or anyone else thinks, your brain has an astounding capacity to overachieve and push beyond the limits of what is deemed possible.

Mountain Tales: During my most recent 100-miler (Ronda del Cims) I experienced first-hand what many runners call “smelling the barn.” It’s that strange phenomena that occurs when we ultrarunners approximate the finish line of a race and feel a sudden ‘boost’ in our speed and endurance in spite of fatigue. In my case, I was about 10 kilometers off from the finish line and running neck and neck with my friend and contender for 3rd place. We’d heard 2nd place was only about ten minutes ahead of us and with 10 kilometers to go, he was within what my brain decided was striking distance. Despite the 40,000+ feet of climbing, 100 miles and 30+ hours on my legs, I sped up and sped up fast. Within 5 kilometers I had 2nd place in my line of sight and steadied myself, preparing for a swift and merciless strike. I proved that my mind’s drive to compete was capable of overriding my body’s immense fatigue.

Yikes. I think I can I think I can...

Just to add an extra "oomph" to our point, I recently read this article after hearing about it in a book. It emphasizes and proves the very point the two of us made in the above stories, and proves just how astounding both the human body and mind can be:

A Little Deception Helps Push Athletes to the Limit

Of course, just because we are sharing our own extreme examples does not mean that these philosophies are all strictly for extreme situations. We share these because they can be used by anyone in the proper situations and we invite you, dear reader, to take these helpful tips into the world to use as you see fit. It is both of our hope that these do some good somewhere, and so we wish you luck in your journey of a thousand Zen-filled steps.

Nick Hollon

Andrew Bundy