The Right Angle (Recovery Part 3)

Hey blog,

Wasn't all that Top Ten Zen stuff pretty cool? It was a lot of work but I definitely would agree that it was very much worth it to be able to reach out to so many people and offer insight and guidance. It was also pretty cool to be able to look at each quote from a different angle by having Nick co-author those posts with me. Maybe we'll do something like that again in the future, I wouldn't mind another collaborative project with the ultrarunning Zen master.

Step 4 in happy dance shows off my range of motion

I do apologize though, because although I did assist in dropping Zen knowledge upon thy head, I haven't given an update into my recovery in over three weeks now and should probably remedy that. As you may remember from part 2 of the recovery posts, my doctor was pleasantly surprised at the progress I'd made in the range of motion of my shoulder, which had already surpassed his one-year prediction in less than a month. Now I am in my eighth week of recovery (haven't seen the doctor yet, that's next week) and have moved from being in a sling to being out of a sling with active assistance (being able to move my arm with assistance from my left hand) to finally being allowed unrestricted movement! (Insert happy dance here.) I've been out of the sling for two weeks now and it feels good to have a semi-normal shoulder again. In some respects, it's better than my left one (which also has damage and will require surgery soonish), although still a bit sore. After all, I've been using it more and more and as such will run into a bit more pain for a while before it calms down. However, the range of motion is quite a deal higher than it was before the surgery, and indeed better than it has been in several years. The forward flexion (holding my arm straight ahead and raising it up) is all the way up to a whopping 125 degrees! The abduction (holding my arm straight out to the side and raising it up) is up to 110 degrees! Now, I should note that both of these numbers are a product of active assist and not unrestricted movement, but it is reassuring to know that I have the potential to reach these numbers as I continue to build up strength without the help of my "better" arm.

The rest of my happy dance, as reenacted by bear cubs

I'm sure I'll have some more updates available after I see my doctor in a couple weeks, although I might have something sooner because I just started back up with outpatient physical therapy. I had an initial assessment a couple days ago and so far so good. The biggest issue at the moment seems to be the pain, but that's just pain, not anything major problem, so I can handle that.

Summer's coming to a close. It's felt long and short, with lots of ups and downs to accompany it. Overall things went well: I fixed my right shoulder, both my brothers were around for a while (Chad left yesterday), I didn't get much writing done but am starting back up, I completed a ten-part blog series and kept to the timeline the entire time, and I managed to write a short story. All in all, I think I'm pleased with how it all went. Now I need to prepare for school and make sure I stick to a productive output for my book as I march slowly toward the next, and hopefully last (for a while anyways), surgery on my left shoulder. That one will round out the set: eight major joints replaced. With any luck, I won't have to worry too much about major surgeries until the first replacements begin to wear off in a few years. By then, I hope to establish some kind of normalcy in my life. Then again...what is normal anyway?

Comet 67P from 177 miles away

Before I get into the rest of my personal update (and a very touching part of this post for me), I wanted to share a very cool piece of news. For those of you who know me, you know I like space. It honestly confounds me that not everyone is totally enamored with it, but that's just how it is. However...I would like to quickly share a HUGE accomplishment that took place earlier this week that deserves mention. If you don't already know about the Rosetta mission, then here is a quick summary. Ten years ago Rosetta was launched to rendezvous with a comet named 67P (for short, the full name is a bit wordy) and enter into orbit around this 2.5 mile wide body careening through space. No other craft has ever accomplished this feat before. As of yesterday, August 6th 2014, and after a nearly four BILLION mile journey, Rosetta successfully entered into orbit around comet 67P and has made history!! But merely entering into orbit wasn't enough, because in November of this year, Rosetta will drop down the Philae lander, which will be the first craft to ever land on a comet. The pictures will be...well, I'm excited, let's put it that way. It's a monumental accomplishment and I am very much looking forward to seeing what kind of discoveries about comets and about our early solar system drop out of this truly special mission.

Relay for Life Luminaria

Back to the update. Now that Top Ten Zen is finished, I can get back to my writing. I had to put it on a temporary hiatus while Nick and I wrote our ten-part series as well as editing and formatting for our posts too. But it is done and the writing can recommence. I've not done as much as I wanted (although so far today, after meeting with Nick, I have managed over 4000 words), but it is always difficult to reinsert myself into the frame of mind of writing my memoir, because of the painful and difficult nature of writing non-fiction about yourself. Plus, I never really fully got back into writing Life Has No Title (my memoir) after the surgery. I had only done about 5,000 words when Nick and I began the Top Ten Zen project. For me, I've always found getting back into writing non-fiction a lot harder to start back up than fiction, which I adore and can pick up at almost any time with relative ease. It doesn't help that there are a lot of memory gaps in the long road of my treatments that I need to fill in by reading over old CaringBridge posts. Re-reading those is like taking a punch to the face with every paragraph. Nothing about this book is easy for me, but the potential benefits of raising awareness for post-cancer treatment and the state of mind of a cancer survivor (click on my About Me: Cancer and the Cure page to learn more) coupled with the (hopefully) cathartic nature of jotting all this down make this project essential for me to complete. In essence, I've given all of the shit I went through a purpose by writing this book and sharing my story. Whether it manages to shift people's perceptions of life after cancer and change policy and treatment methods and touch hundreds, thousands, or millions of people...or if all it does is help one person get through their cancer treatment, I know that I've done something good. Even if it's just one person it saves or makes their treatment just that little bit easier, I'll know that I did something good and worthwhile.

Your definitely not normal creator,
Andrew

Top Ten Zen Compilation

Hey blog,

Remember how I said that Top Ten Zen #10 would be the last post? I wasn't entirely truthful.

Don't Australians meditate upside down?

Top Ten Zen Finale

Nick and I thought that it might be good if we had the entire list of Top Ten Zen for your viewing pleasure! Isn't that nifty? Similar to the format during the normal Top Ten Zen series, we will give you the quote and a shortened version of our interpretations into one big list! No stories though, but you can click the interpretations if you want to go grab the full story from each of our blogs.

And again, we are very honored to have been able to offer guidance to you and hope that you find good uses for the advice and stories we have laid out for you.

And now...the finale of the Top Ten Zen series.

"Every end is another beginning."

TOP TEN ZEN QUOTES	SURVIVOR’S INTERPRETATION	RUNNER’S INTERPRETATION
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step”	It’s easier to break a problem up into smaller pieces and take them on one at a time.	Break the race into smaller segments instead of taking on the whole distance at once.
“Body follows mind”	Your body’s true limits are set by the brain.	Your brain controls how much you can endure.
“The faster you hurry, the slower you go”	Patience is a major key when it comes to recovery.	Staying relaxed and fueled leaves you in control of your race.
“You are not bound by  your past”	The past will only be able to affect you if you let it.	Don’t let past races decide the outcome of your present one.
“Life is only available in the here and now”	Focus on this moment to avoid the stresses of the past and future.	Ground yourself in the present. Be the best you can be in this moment.
“You are the author of every next moment”	You get to decide how to handle your future, no matter how glum or bleak it looks.	Events are just events, and how you react to them is entirely up to you.
“Your own worst enemy lies within”	Nobody hurts you as much as your own negative thoughts.	The mind is the culprit of quitting.
“Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them”	Accept your limitations to get out of the darkest mental pits.	Embrace your limits and you will embody your best self.
“Find joy in every little thing”	When facing hard times, it pays to find things to make you laugh and smile.	Stomp the flowers to get a better grip on the climb, but don’t forget to smell them!
“True strength is found in the face of adversity”	It is in hardship that you get the best glimpse of your true strength.	See every difficulty as an opportunity to prove yourself.

And once more, for emphasis, thank you for reading.

Nick Hollon

Andrew Bundy

Top Ten Zen #10: True Strength

Hi blog,

Well...this is it. The final post down! (Insert song here...you know the one)

Top Ten Zen

Andrew and Nick have compiled a list of Zen-like philosophies comprised firstly of a quote, an interpretation of said quote, and finally a story to drive their point home. This list can aid you in doing anything from completing a 100-mile race to surviving cancer, or obtaining any goal you set your mind to. 

Here are the previous posts for those who missed them:

1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step
2. Body follows mind
3. The faster you hurry, the slower you go
4. You are not bound by your past
5. Life is only available in the here and now
6. You are the author of every next moment
7. Your worst enemy lies within
8. Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them
9. Find joy in every little thing

Andrew's first steps after three months of being in a wheelchair

"True strength is found in the face of adversity."

The Survivor’s Take:  It is in hardship that you can get the best glimpse of how strong you truly are. And usually, you’re a lot stronger than you ever imagined.

The Runner’s Take:  See the mountain not as a something to lament about, but rather as an opportunity to prove yourself, either against yourself or your competitors.

Survivor’s Tales: When people find out what I’ve been through, the most frequent comment doled out to me is: “Wow! I could never go through what you went through! You must be so brave and/or strong (they don’t usually say “and/or”) to go through all that!” But I’m not sure that I’m any stronger or braver than anyone else if I’m being honest. Prior to my diagnosis, I would have said exactly the same thing: that I could never go through something so traumatic and difficult. However, that’s exactly what happened. Lurking somewhere within me was an unrelenting strength that refused to let me give up, that refused to let me give in. I don’t think I would have discovered it had I not been diagnosed with leukemia, and I think it’s inside us all. It can be difficult to truly know the measure of your potential until you face hardship. However, when you do find that adversity, it’s amazing what sort of strength you can discover deep within you.

Mountain Tales: I was approaching mile 90 of Ronda del Cims. I’d run out far ahead of Carles (now 4th place) and was trying to gain on 2nd place. I followed flag after flag as the course went off trail and started bushwhacking through high brush and small streams. It was 7:00am, 30 degrees outside and I was soaked! The flags taunted me as they seemed to aimlessly wander back and forth across a powerful 10-foot stream. I slipped once or twice, soaking my shoes, and resolved once again to go crashing through the thick brush. About two hours passed and a very infuriated, agitated Nick finally breached tree level and came into a clearing. I looked back at the hell that I’d just ascended. High bushes, cold streams, no trail, no footing. Adversity at its finest. Each step I took was one more step that I conquered and I reassured myself that I’d likely not come across anything worse than that for the remainder of the race.

Beautiful, but not quite the place you would want to run

Of course, just because we are sharing our own extreme examples does not mean that these philosophies are all strictly for extreme situations. We share these because they can be used by anyone in the proper situations and we invite you, dear reader, to take these helpful tips into the world to use as you see fit. Feel free to hoard them or share them with others. It is both of our hope that these do some good somewhere, and so we wish you luck in your journey of a thousand Zen-filled steps.

And that concludes Top Ten Zen! I would like to say it has been an honor for us both to be able to do this series and be able to share it with so many people. We have received very heart-warming and enthusiastic feedback from many of you and are touched that we have been able to offer help and guidance to a number of people. What started off as a mentality Nick adopted for a race turned into a comparison between styles of survival between us when it came to racing and beating cancer and then morphed into an idea for this series. I have to say, it really has been an enormous pleasure to be able to share our thoughts and experiences with you all and hope that our books have a similar effect when they come out in the near future. You are all, every one of you, fantastic.

Stay tuned to Andrew's continual progress in his recovery as well as his writings and musings at: http://survivingthecure.blogspot.com/
Keep up with Nick as he continues to race the most grueling races he can find at: http://ultrademus.blogspot.com/

Andrew Bundy

Nick Hollon

Top Ten Zen #9: Finding Joy

Hi blog,

We're almost to the end of our mini-epic series of Zenocity! (I don't think that's a word actually...) Just one more after this. I'm already feeling a little nostalgic. What a funny looking word that is...

Top Ten Zen

Andrew and Nick have compiled a list of Zen-like philosophies comprised firstly of a quote, an interpretation of said quote, and finally a story to drive their point home. This list can aid you in doing anything from completing a 100-mile race to surviving cancer, or obtaining any goal you set your mind to. 

Here are the previous posts for those who missed them:

1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step
2. Body follows mind
3. The faster you hurry, the slower you go
4. You are not bound by your past
5. Life is only available in the here and now
6. You are the author of every next moment
7. Your worst enemy lies within
8. Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them

Free sledding

"Find joy in every little thing."

The Survivor’s Take: When facing hard times, it pays to find things to make you laugh and smile. Problems don’t seem as heavy when you take them on with a grin and a giggle.

The Runner’s Take: Smile, look up and enjoy the scenery. Stomp on the flowers if they provide you better grip on the climb, but don’t forget to smell them!

Survivor’s Tales: Anyone who has been in the hospital will tell you it’s a pretty boring place most of the time. (It’s generally not a good thing when it gets interesting though.) So to pass the time, and also to keep my spirits up, I played practical jokes. My favorite involved a spoon, some Jell-O, and a very pale nurse. I was too weak to eat the Jell-O myself at the time, and after my mom missed my mouth once with the spoon, I got an idea. We set up, giggling like mad, and put on our game faces as we called in the nurse. Neither of us would specify exactly what happened, only that we “Needed the nurse to get in here right away.” A couple minutes later the nurse showed up and froze as she saw me clutching my eye, little bits of red Jell-O oozing from between my fingers. “She got me in the eye,” I groaned. The nurse turned white as a sheet and quickly spun around, muttering something about getting the doctor. Luckily she had a good enough sense of humor to laugh with us after we stopped her. Finding funny things to cheer you up, whether it’s something as simple as reading a joke book or something as elaborate as a harmless prank (harmless being key), will help get you through the tough times if you remember to laugh as often as possible.

Mountain Tales:  I was coming off of the backside of a notoriously difficult mountain pass. The descent was steep and covered in long patches of dirty snow. I watched as the runner ahead of me plodded down the top of a long snow chute. The runner suddenly slipped and started sliding off down the chute at great speed. I was worried and opened my mouth to yell out to him. But then all of a sudden, he recovered just before he would have careened into the sharp rocks below. He picked himself up and kept moving as if he’d meant to do it all along. Anxiously, I moved closer to the snow chute, plopped my butt down as I’d watched the runner before me do and swoooshh!! I was off lightning fast! Whatever material my shorts were made out of was much faster on snow than the runner before me. I was horrified but I smiled and laughed. The laughter was partially out of fear, partially from the adrenaline, and partially from the fun of getting to sled in the Pyrenees for free! For that brief moment, the competition and the race faded away. I shook off the snow from my shoes and smiled back up at the snow chute, happy to be alive.

How it probably looked to the nurse

Andrew would like to point out that he actually mentioned his story and talked about using humor as a tool to get through cancer treatments in a previous series of his, Awareness Week. The specific post was: Awareness Week: Surviving Cancer, where he mentioned five different methods that could be used to get through the rough treatments and dark times that come along with cancer and the after-effects.

Of course, just because we are sharing our own extreme examples does not mean that these philosophies are all strictly for extreme situations. We share these because they can be used by anyone in the proper situations and we invite you, dear reader, to take these helpful tips into the world to use as you see fit. Feel free to hoard them or share them with others. It is both of our hope that these do some good somewhere, and so we wish you luck in your journey of a thousand Zen-filled steps.

Nick Hollon
Andrew Bundy

Top Ten Zen #8: Beyond Our Limits

Hey blog,

I know last post was a bit...melancholy. However, today will be much more cheerful and uplifting!!! (All the extra exclamation points must make it true!!!) Consider it the second part of a mini-series within the mini-series if you would.

Top Ten Zen

Andrew and Nick have compiled a list of Zen-like philosophies comprised firstly of a quote, an interpretation of said quote, and finally a story to drive their point home. This list can aid you in doing anything from completing a 100-mile race to surviving cancer, or obtaining any goal you set your mind to. 

Here are the previous posts for those who missed them:

1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step
2. Body follows mind
3. The faster you hurry, the slower you go
4. You are not bound by your past
5. Life is only available in the here and now
6. You are the author of every next moment
7. Your worst enemy lies within

Self-acceptance, now with 100% more hair

"Once we accept our limits, we go beyond them."

The Survivor’s Take:  Once you learn to accept your limitations and flaws you can begin to pick up the pieces after a great hardship. Positive self-talk can haul you out of even the darkest pits.

The Runner’s Take:  Race your own race. Be happy with yourself, your own abilities, your own strengths and your own weaknesses. Embrace your limits and you will embody your best self.

Survivor’s Tales: 2008 was not a good year for me. It took some time for me to get out of the funk I was in following my release from the hospital. In fact, it took several excruciating episodes in my life, one after another, to finally admit I had a drug problem and start to go to rehab (albeit with some initial resistance). I used daily positive self-talk to tell myself what a great job I was doing and how strong I was for making it through all that I had and continuing to stay sober. As my head began to clear, I realized part of my original problem was a result of not wanting to come to grips with what my new physical limitations were. It took a couple years before the lesson sank in in its entirety. Once I started to accept my limits, I could start to really enjoy life and rebuild all that I lost with the cancer and the cure.

Mountain Tales It was the very first climb of Ronda del Cims. The trail was brutally steep and covered in tree roots. I was breathing heavy and could feel my heart rate soaring out of control. A group of about ten runners clicked against my heels directly behind me as I practically breathed through the shirt of the runner in front of me. I didn’t respond well to this many people crowding my personal bubble, especially when running that hard. I sighed heavily as runner after runner broke past me, each of them breathing hard and working their way up the mountain pass. I stood back for a moment and looked down at an almost constant stream of athletes rising up the switchbacks beneath me. “Race your own race,” I said to myself. “Be happy with your own abilities Nick.” I broke into a walk and took control of my breath and heart rate. Twenty miles later, I was alone and closing in on fifth place.

When Nick gets anxious, he turns into a...Nick figure...sorry...

Of course, just because we are sharing our own extreme examples does not mean that these philosophies are all strictly for extreme situations. We share these because they can be used by anyone in the proper situations and we invite you, dear reader, to take these helpful tips into the world to use as you see fit. Feel free to hoard them or share them with others. It is both of our hope that these do some good somewhere, and so we wish you luck in your journey of a thousand Zen-filled steps.

Andrew Bundy
Nick Hollon

Top Ten Zen #7: Your Worst Enemy

Hey blog,

This post might seem a little depressing. In truth, it's kind of a mini-series within the series, so it ties into a much happier and uplifting post! Don't worry, everything works out...look, a meditating kitty! See? Told you.

Hopefully this makes up for the semi-depressing post  

Top Ten Zen

Andrew and Nick have compiled a list of Zen-like philosophies comprised firstly of a quote, an interpretation of said quote, and finally a story to drive their point home. This list can aid you in doing anything from completing a 100-mile race to surviving cancer, or obtaining any goal you set your mind to. 

Here are the previous posts for those who missed them:

1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step
2. Body follows mind
3. The faster you hurry, the slower you go
4. You are not bound by your past
5. Life is only available in the here and now
6. You are the author of every next moment

Nick on the verge of deciding he
wanted to quit life

"Your own worst enemy lies within."

The Survivor’s Take: Nothing hurts you more than your own negative thoughts.

The Runner’s Take:  The mind is the culprit of quitting.

Survivor’s Tales: After suffering through cancer and GVHD and just barely escaping from the hospital with my life by the thinnest edge, you would assume that I would be thrilled to be out in the world, that I gained a new appreciation of life. No. Instead, I looked at the scars and my bloated figure and felt an intense black hatred for myself bursting through to infest any hints of happiness and gratitude that dared poke its head up. As a result of this self-loathing, I began to heavily abuse my medications in an attempt to blot out conscious thought and all the pain that came with it. I could have chosen to be happy about surviving, but instead I wallowed in agonizing self-pity and righteous self-hatred. I chose that of my own volition, angry and hurt by everything that happened to me, disgusted by my appearance. I chose that path. But as we’ll see in this next post, although you can make yourself quite miserable with just the flick of a thought, you can also instill a great deal of satisfaction in the same manner.

Mountain Tales:  It was 3:30am, some 19 hours into the Ronda del Cims. Carles (3rd place) and I were deep into the race and had accumulated over 30,000 feet of gain. We were far from the finish and battling through the night together. Passing a stream Carles looked at me and said “Quince minutos llegamos.” Fifteen more minutes and the two of us would be at the mile 85 aid station, Illa. Thirty minutes later, Carles glanced over and said to me “Cinco minutos, seguro!” Five minutes clicked away with no aid station in sight. The two of us hurt, our pace was fading, our energy dwindling and our morale all but vanished. “Does Carles even know what he’s doing?” I could feel my body weaken as the poisonous thoughts continued to fester in my mind. I stopped. I had to change my mindset. I looked up at the full moon, pine trees blocking off the distant high peaks, and I felt alive and blessed to be wandering through the Pyrenees. I smiled and resolved that the damned aid station could have been hours away, it didn’t matter. I’d made peace with my own worst enemy.

Andrew's worst enemy lies within and a little to the right

Of course, just because we are sharing our own extreme examples does not mean that these philosophies are all strictly for extreme situations. We share these because they can be used by anyone in the proper situations and we invite you, dear reader, to take these helpful tips into the world to use as you see fit. Feel free to hoard them or share them with others. It is both of our hope that these do some good somewhere, and so we wish you luck in your journey of a thousand Zen-filled steps.

Nick Hollon

Andrew Bundy

Top Ten Zen #6: Every Next Moment

Hi blog,

One more than halfway there! (Insert song here) Sorry, I had to hum a few lines of Bon Jovi. Shall we get on with it then?

Top Ten Zen

Andrew and Nick have compiled a list of Zen-like philosophies comprised firstly of a quote, an interpretation of said quote, and finally a story to drive their point home. This list can aid you in doing anything from completing a 100-mile race to surviving cancer, or obtaining any goal you set your mind to. 

Here are the previous posts for those who missed them:

1. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step 
2. Body follows mind
3. The faster you hurry, the slower you go
4. You are not bound by your past
5. Life is only available in the here and now

The author of every next "S"

"You are the author of every next moment."

The Survivor’s Take:  You get to decide how to handle your future, no matter how glum or bleak it looks. You can either choose to think poorly or you can resolve to think positively in every next moment.

The Runner’s Take:  Events are just events, nothing more. How you react to that climb, that descent or that long stretch of road is entirely up to you.

Survivor’s Tales:  When I was first diagnosed with leukemia just three weeks before I should have graduated high school, I was understandably a little bummed out. After all…I had cancer! For the first day of officially being a cancer patient I was numb and quiet and said next to nothing, just nodded occasionally. However, by the next day I wrested my mental faculties away from the shock and started to think about what would be happening to me. “Well,” I told myself. “You can either be abjectly miserable and have a crappy time, or you can approach this with a smile and a middle finger toward your stupid bone marrow cells.” I opted for the second choice, and sought out a silver lining. Well, I didn’t have to take any finals! No teacher would dock points to poor ol’ me for not showing up to take the tests because I was being pumped full of chemotherapy drugs. I seized upon that (amongst other positives) and chose how I would feel in that next moment and all the ones after it.

Mountain Tales: 20 hours into Ronda del Cims I was coming off of the backside of the longest climb of the race, Pic Negre. The trail was a quad murdering combination of steep talus slopes, scattered rocks and cold biting wind. I’d kept 5th place up until this point but I glanced back and could see several runners closing in on me up from above. I took a step forward and smashed my entire right foot sideways into a rock, knocking it loose and groaning loudly as it whacked into my left ankle. Initially, it hurt. But I immediately thought back to the above quote, “I decide.” I whispered to myself. I tried hard and managed to forget about the pain.  I lifted my head up high and could feel my legs cramping and my stomach growling. I loved running the descents back home, so what was the difference now? “There isn’t one,” I told myself. Faking a smile, I drifted down into the trees as the lights of my competition faded behind me.

Nick decides one finger is enough

Of course, just because we are sharing our own extreme examples does not mean that these philosophies are all strictly for extreme situations. We share these because they can be used by anyone in the proper situations and we invite you, dear reader, to take these helpful tips into the world to use as you see fit. Feel free to hoard them or share them with others. It is both of our hope that these do some good somewhere, and so we wish you luck in your journey of a thousand Zen-filled steps.

Andrew Bundy

Nick Hollon